In A World of Sports

So here we are for another exciting chapter in the far too publicised but always entertaining world of steroids in baseball.  Well I guess steroids is rather narrow-minded, let’s use the term performance enhancing drugs, because that includes HGH (and others I’m sure), and makes them sound ambiguous.  They enhance performace = good, drugs = bad. 

So today is the day that Clemens and McNamee, appear on Capitol Hill, this has been a much balleyhooed event and really we have to assume that short of someone breaking down and confessing to all their sins, will resolve nothing.   Regardless, I decided to sit myself in front of the TV with a bottle of merlot and popcorn and watch the proceedings for the good of mankind.

So here they come, down the aisle and immediately I must admit that I give 2 points to Clemens for looking the best.  Clemens has a good physique for suits, he looks like he works out a lot and uses steroids to maintain that broad shouldered look.  He also looks cool, calm and collected in these circumstances whereas McNamee, and Scheeler are shifty characters.  More on appearances, the Chair of this committee looks really quite odd.  Kinda like the short professor from the Harry Potter movies, but maybe more villainous, like a Moleman type with really large ears.

The Committee Chair just finished talking about Chuck Knoblauch and Andy Pettite.  Wow.  They really like baseball in America.  He made Knoblauch and Pettite sound like martyrs or something.  He actually called Pettite a role model.  Role Models are the type of people who cheat and initially lie about it, until it’s proven they lied and then they tell the truth, that’s what children all around the world should aspire to be.

Scheeler has ADD, he can’t stop moving around, it’s very distracting, he is talking to people too and can’t stop looking around and jotting things on a pad of paper. I would like to see that pad of paper after he’s done with it;  I bet it has doodles of puppies, butterflies and syringes.

I just breathed a massive sigh of relief, apparently this is the last we’ll hear of this.  For some reason I don’t know if I believe that, stay tuned.

They just showed Debbie Clemens sitting behind her husband, she is a known HGH user at this point and it did wonders for her body for that SI bathing suit shoot, so I really don’t know why this is a bad thing.  She has awesome pink lipstick on.

My friend just called me and asked if I was watching the deposition, I said yes, then he laughed at me, told me to get a job then hung up.  Those words hit home and stung me but they ring true.

This Committee has decided to base it’s decision on the facts they have.  The facts. That’s a key word:  Facts.  You see because there is no such things as facts in this case.  It is all hearsay evidence which really amounts to nothing in a real court scenario.  This is dumb, the only physical evidence they may have are the syringes and gauze pads, which apparently are being largely ignored.  I don’t think the “test” results have come through yet so this whole show will change nothing.  We still going to hear the same stories, both people are going to get their credibility questioned but nothing is going to be solved today.

I would really hate to be one of those people that appears sporadically throughout these types of things.  You know who I’m talking about, the people that you can spot over the shoulders of whoever is currently in the foreground.  The guy over Davis’ shoulder right now looks like my friend Kyle and he also looks really tired.  He has several massive lines on his forehead like he is trying to force is eyes open right now.  I don’t blame him.

McNamee is a hardcore New Yorker.  Based on the way he looks I really didn’t expect him to have the voice he does, he looks much more like a weiner than he sounds.  He’s one of those guys, like Chuck Swirsky, whose voice you hear and envision someone else, and then when you see the face and hear the voice you are blown away. 

I think Barry Bonds has snuck his way into this hearing.  The woman over Elijah Cummings shoulder eerily resembles Bonds when he crossed dressed for spring training a couple years ago. 

I’m seeing all these bottles of water around the room and I’m wondering if this is a product placement move.  I haven’t caught the label just yet, but my goodness that is a great commercial idea - Need a way to cool off on a hot summer day?  Drink Dasani. Feeling the heat of congress during a televised deposition questioning your use of performance enhancing drugs under oath?  Drink Dasani.  Want to replenish the fluid that leaves your body during a hard workout?  Drink Dasani.  I can sell this stuff.

This is unreal, they keep questioning Clemens’ and McNamee’s credibility, and to do this they are using statements submitted by people like Jose Canseco.  Are we really using Canseco as a credible witness?  That guy is a joke.  I don’t understand this.

This is going nowhere, I can’t take this anymore.  This entire deposition could be dragged out like it is, or we could have it all wrapped up with the same outcome like this:

To Roger - “Did you do it?” “No” “Thank you”

To McNamee - “Did he do it?” “Yes” “Thank you”

Case closed.  Short of Clemens or McNamee breaking down and confessing to all their lies this is really going nowhere.  I’ll read about the rest of this later.  I’m sorry to have put you through this.  I grow tired of this story.  I can’t wait for my ball hockey game tonight, our team is really bad but it’s all in good fun. 

Oh wait, it has just gotten a bit more interesting…I’m not sure who it was (I’m listening online at this point, the Merlot has really hit me, and can barely keep my eyes open) but they just made a joke about what jersey Clemens will wear to the Hall of Fame, yup, they sure love baseball in America.

Now Clemens’ lawyer has lost his mind.  Rusty?  Is that you?  The lawyers aren’t even allowed to speak during these depositions and Rusty has gone off his rocker.

Ok, I have better things to do, like pet my dog and think about what I’m going to make myself for lunch.